From a concerned grandmother who took to Avvo to find out the definition of abuse:
What is the best way to compel the father of a four-year-old girl not to shower with her? Does this constitute abuse? My granddaughter’s father does not think he did anything wrong.
A grown man showering with a four-year-old girl is definitely crossing the “icky” line. It was enough for DCF in Connecticut to make a case in juvenile court with a past client of mine.
A restraining order would work, along with a no-contact order. Most importantly, the father should not be given the child until he gets some help to understand why such a situation is a problem.
From a recent Avvo post:
I am 17, and when I attain 18, I will be moving out of my home. I wish to get a restraining order on my father, because I am afraid of what he will do. He is very controlling and I fear he will do something to me and the people who are involved in helping me leave…. I know I am just a kid and this is huge, but my dad used to abuse me and take things too far. I am just trying to protect my future and those around me from what he may do.
As I explained to this young person, control is not enough. It would have to be fear from harm. If past abuse makes this person fearful, that might work:
A distraught grandmother recently asked on Avvo where to turn when allegations of abuse are not being considered in a custody case:
My grandchildren are going through a custody case with the Division of Child, Youth, and Families (DCYF) and a Guardian ad Litem involved. Neither are doing their job. I am fearful of where my grandchildren are. No one wants to listen to crucial facts that are important to the well-being of my grandchildren. I have tried to contact DCYF myself and have spoken to the GAL. The GAL feels that the father’s attempted suicides, and physical and emotional abuse, as well as his drug abuse and past criminal record, have no bearings on the case. How can you erase seven years in three months? The new wife took food out of the trash and shoved it in my three-year-old’s mouth and forced it down her throat. Shoes have been thrown at the back of my four-year-old’s head. The four-year-old has diabetes and [the condition is worsening due to dietary issues]…
This woman does have a number of options.